Mental Load: The Invisible Work Of Mothers
Many couples think that household and family chores in their home are equally shared between both partners. However, logistics and planning work still falls mainly on women. This is the concept of mental load.
Undoubtedly, the social situation has changed regarding equity and men’s involvement in household chores. As women actively participate in the labor market, more and more couples divide domestic work between them. It is logical and fair.
However, if we look a little more in depth, we will see that this distribution is not as equitable as it seems. Physical tasks are shared, but the mental work of planning, organizing and managing falls almost entirely on the woman.
What is mental load?
The concept of mental load accounts for all the invisible work necessary for the different areas of family life to function properly. The process of continually and deliberately thinking about all the pending tasks and how to manage them. Anticipate, organize and remember everything that remains to be done.
It was the sociologist Susan Walzer who, in her study, described this term and the gender differences with respect to it. However, to realize this inequality, we need to begin to distinguish between physical and mental tasks.
Physical tasks:
- Go to the supermarket.
- Pick up the child from school.
- Make dinner.
- Hang the washing machine.
Mental tasks:
- Realize that you are running out of toothpaste and anticipate buying it before it runs out.
- Remember that the child had an excursion today and, therefore, leaves school an hour earlier.
- Plan in advance what we are going to have for dinner and remember to remove the food from the freezer so that it is ready on time.
- Get organized to put the washing machine on Thursday because on Saturday we have dinner and the clothes we want to use have time to dry.
This second class of tasks seems to be the sole province of women. Men do not usually spend the same amount of time in this entire mental process and, if they do, it is usually with regard to their own work matters. Women, on the other hand, think, organize and plan their work, social and domestic life and that of the rest of the members of their household.
How to detect mental load?
Due to the social inertia that continues to assign responsibility for the home to women, it is sometimes difficult to detect that we are in this unfair situation. We are so internalized that it is our work that, sometimes, we can even feel that our value as people is linked to our ability to take care of the house and the family.
Therefore, first of all, it is necessary to realize that it is not only our responsibility. The fair thing is that it is shared. We can then carry out the simple task of writing down the tasks we have in mind for a week and asking our partner to do the same.
This little exercise can give us a perspective on how much we are carrying with a too heavy backpack. And it will be the starting point to make the necessary modifications in family dynamics.
On the other hand, our state of health can also be a red flag. The mental load is a great burden that generates stress, anxiety and even physical symptoms, such as frequent back pain or headaches.
What is the solution?
The way to lighten this heavy backpack is by sharing the load. But doing it in a real and effective way. It is not valid for the partner to admit taking over certain mental tasks and then forget them and not carry them out. Nor is it acceptable that a woman should leave instructions to the man, every time he leaves the house, regarding children, meals or schedules.
It is necessary that both spouses make a firm commitment to take care of what corresponds to them, both physically and mentally. To do this, a good strategy may be to divide the tasks by areas : for example, one of the spouses is in charge of planning and preparing menus, and the other is in charge of the children’s school.
