Why You Should Never Speak Ill To Your Children Of Their Father
Divorce is not the only situation in which one parent can speak ill of the other. It is also possible that this occurs when one of the parents has never been in the child’s life or even when the couple is still together. In either case, speaking badly to your children about their father can cause them irreparable harm, so you must avoid it at all costs.
When we feel that the one who was our partner hurt and betrayed us, it is normal for an irrepressible desire to express our anger. However, our resentment should never be directed at children. Our priority objective must always be to protect them and ensure the healthiest possible environment for them.
Love and be loved
For a child, his nuclear family is his center, his whole world. Mom and Dad are his greatest references, his safety net. Through the love and trust they provide you, your personality is forged and you begin to open up to the world.
The child needs to love without guilt and be loved unconditionally by his parents to achieve adequate emotional development. Family is your safe and happy place, the one that gives you the confidence to encourage yourself to explore other territories. A stable and comfortable place to recharge, firm roots that allow you to grow without fear. Such is the importance of the family nucleus that we have to do everything in our power to make it harmonious and nutritious.
Let your children love their father even if you don’t anymore
However, the circumstances are not always perfect. Perhaps the other parent of our child has never wanted to be present in his life, perhaps we have made the decision to divorce. Or, perhaps, although we are still together, conflicts and arguments arise that make a dent in the couple.
All these circumstances are part of life and, as adults, we will have to face them in the best possible way. But, if we have something to be clear about, it is that this should never affect the well-being of our children, at least not to the extent that we can avoid it. It is clear that they will have an impact on the child’s life, but it will be very different depending on how the adults in his life act.
Maybe the father (or mother) of your child has not behaved well, maybe he has hurt, betrayed or deceived you. You may even have made big mistakes or negligence as a parent. It is completely normal and valid that this generates negative emotions, that you feel anger, anger or resentment.
You will need to carry out your own emotional process to integrate these experiences and achieve forgiveness. But, without a doubt, your highest priority should be to protect your child. And this includes protecting her vision of her father and the bond she has established with him. The child needs to love his father and feel loved by him. As much as he needs it from you.
Speak badly to your children about their father
By speaking badly to your children about their father you rob them of a fundamental part of their development. When you tell them that their father has left because they don’t care, that you don’t want to spend time with them, that you don’t care about them, children don’t understand that their father is a negligent individual, they understand that they are to blame. They will begin to feel that they are not enough, that they are not valid, that they do not deserve love.
When you tell them “you are just like your father” or “your father is bad, he is irresponsible, he is selfish” , you are putting them in a very tough position. They will be forced to take sides, they will feel guilty for loving their father, and they will greatly blame the gap you have made in their little world: there is no longer stability or harmony, but hatred and confusion.
Perhaps you think that your children need to know what their father is like, that you are not going to lie to them, that they have the right to know the truth. But, in reality, what they have the right to is to be children, to feel loved and safe, not to have to face adult situations. When they grow up, they will know, understand and reorganize what they have experienced from another perspective. For now, let them grow.
