When Our Partners Do Not Value What We Do At Home During Maternity Leave

Sometimes we drop certain words or reproaches such as “but if a baby only eats and sleeps” that really affect us. Because we believe it or not, there are couples like this, people who do not value the task of parenting in those first months, where despite being on leave, the physical and emotional involvement can be as or more exhausting than an 8-hour job.

It is clear, however, that the low or Choosing to stay home for a few years to raise a child is a step that both moms and dads can take. Be that as it may, there is something that should be clear: despite not going to work, the task is just as important, and if at the end of the day we end up exhausted it has a more than obvious justification of which, we already talked to you ago little in “You are Mom.”

It is necessary to understand, above all, that being a couple is making a team. If this idea does not exist as a base, this common project based on reciprocity, care and empathy, will undoubtedly be very difficult to raise a child in the best conditions. Because if the mother or father feels lonely or misunderstood in their caregiving task when the other spouse goes to work, this negative emotionality can seriously condition the relationship.

We suggest you reflect on it with us.

When our partners don’t value our homework with babies

There are couples and couples. Wonderful and exceptional spouses with whom to lead a harmonious life, a perfect symphony where there are no reproaches, where the classic phrase of “I help my wife or I help my husband or my partner” does not exist.

Nobody lends a hand to anyone because there is the implicit idea that being a family is leading a common project where efforts and dedications are combined. The pacts are carried out in advance, and if one of the two members chooses maternity leave or even to be at home for a few years to raise the children, the other person assumes his role and respects that of the spouse.

Now, there are many couples who do not feel this reality. Most of them are women – and some men – who dedicate 24 hours a day to that care for newborns, where they sometimes feel misunderstood.

“My mother raised 5 children and she never complained.” “But if all a baby does is sleep and eat, you can’t complain.” “But if you spend the day sitting / and I am standing all day working.”

These phrases hurt these, sentences destroy and hurt, to the point of sometimes affecting the upbringing of the little ones. Because a sad mom or dad doesn’t do their best for their child. We have to take it into account.

When the mother or father feels “kidnapped”

Get home and dinner is not done yet. That the clothes are not washed or the house clean. But have you been so busy all day?

It is very possible that our spouses only see this, and yet they do not value or see that baby who sleeps calm and satisfied after a day of colic. Happy to know and feel loved.

• Now, if these same attitudes are repeated day after day, that mother or father who has sick leave will feel terribly limited and even kidnapped. Because their homework, their beautiful parenting job, they don’t value, because that person they love the most, their partner, doesn’t appreciate their work.

• The hypervigilance to which we are subjected in those first months and years of the child means that our stress level is always on the surface. We fear falls, we fear that the baby will not eat enough, that he will not get all the sleep he should. We anticipate risks and we are aware of them every second of the day.

• If our partner accuses us of having the house neglected or ironic because we dare to complain about being tired, then something is happening. They do not value us, we are not receiving respect, and this is a complex factor on which we must react.

I’m at home, but my job is just as important

The couple may have reached an agreement: I take the leave and you go to work. Our partner is responsible for maintaining the home financially, but we carry out an equal or more essential task: raising, educating, caring for and giving affection to that new life that, in turn, forms the roots of the couple itself.

Therefore, it is essential that we are clear on these issues:

• Raising a child is not a job, it is part of our life, it is a job that we occupy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

• Having a child means investing in dreams, time, love and dedication. If there is no reciprocity between the couple, that project will not be sustained and there will not be an authentic quality of life with which to give the best to our son.

• Taking care of the home is secondary. Our priority is the baby. If when our partner comes home the clothes are not ironed, it does not mean that “we have not done anything” throughout the day.

A mother, a father has every right to say that he is tired at the end of the  day . You have the same right as the person who has worked all day. And by doing so, it does not mean that you love your child less, you are only looking for an outlet and of course, you deserve the understanding of your partner.